Last week, I met with my dear friend Anna del Pino. After pouring out a raw confession about how I've been feeling, she still sat there, fully present, taking it all in (I've never met such an active listener in my life). She has always been great at this, but this time, she was voiceless – literally. She had physically lost her voice (which, ironically, seemed to help), but she was also speechless emotionally – not just because of the weight of my words, but because of how I was speaking about myself.
And then, after what felt like a monologue (sorry, Anna!) that lasted through lunch and a 20-minute walk, with whatever voice she had left, she asked me: "When was the last time you sat down and wrote?"
She challenged me to put all these thoughts into words and share them with my network. "Why don't you talk openly about it? You're probably not the only one feeling this way."
She made me promise that I would write something down by today... and as you can see, I almost missed the deadline. I used to write a lot – mostly research-focused articles – but never about my personal feelings. It has been an interesting – and very uncomfortable – experience putting my thoughts out here like this – I am not a personal diary person – and I was ready to make up an excuse (I could find many; it has been a tough week, indeed), but I'm grateful I still found the time to do it.
When Life Feels Out of Control
Have you ever felt lost? Like everything around you is completely out of control, and you can't seem to catch up? That feeling of anxiety sneaking in, while imposter syndrome quietly hangs around, just waiting for the right moment to show up.
I've been feeling this way lately. And honestly, it's not because I'm too busy. It's actually the opposite.
Imagine this – I even considered having another baby. I never really bought into the whole "40s crisis" idea, but as I approach 40 in August, it seems to be hitting me hard.
A year and a half ago, fresh off turning 39, everything felt like it was falling into place: new job, new city, new house, the girls settling in beautifully, new friends, being closer to family, amazing weather, and the sea – hello, I live by the sea! So tell me… when did everything decide to go wrong?
I like to have a sense of control – it gives me peace of mind. I organise my trips to the minute, and while I can be super spontaneous with short-term plans, I need structure when it comes to the big picture of my life. I feel efficient when I'm busy, when I have projects on the go. Right now, I'm balancing the full-time job of being a mother of two and a professional, and I'm in the middle of building a house from scratch.
Don't get me wrong, this should keep me entertained and busy, but somehow, it still doesn't feel like enough. The reason I feel this way is that I realise I always need something in my life that sparks joy and fuels my passion – a balance to everything else that isn't as fun or passionate any more. Something that reminds me of my purpose, just to keep everything flowing. When I am missing this, the feeling of losing control finds no barriers and takes over.
The Anchor Concept
A close friend recently introduced me to the concept of an anchor – someone that provides the emotional and financial support needed to step back, reflect and regain clarity. In times like these, when life forces you to slow down, it's the perfect moment to rediscover creativity, rethink your purpose and truly understand what makes you happy or what is next for you.
In my case, my anchor is my husband. But an anchor can be anyone – a partner, a close friend, a mentor, or even a community. It's someone who offers a sense of security, allowing you to focus on yourself for once.
Too often, we rush into decisions just to regain a false sense of control – jumping into jobs, projects or routines that keep us busy but unfulfilled. Without an anchor, it's easy to let life move into autopilot mode, becoming just another part of the machine, moving through the motions without passion or purpose.
I have been on and off, trying to fight this false sense of control. Some days, I just don't care and want to turn at least one page, and other days, I remind myself: you are fortunate to have an anchor and finally have the time to step back and think bigger.
Dealing with Uncertainty
The house isn't ready yet – nothing new if you've been talking to me recently. But some unexpected news has abruptly shaken the realisation of our dream home, and it's very much beyond our control. On top of that, the uncertainty at work is weighing on me, adding to the chaos.
Uncertainty isn't new to me, and I'm quite good at reframing – but only when it affects just one of my pillars. If everything else is good, in those cases, I can find the positive side and usually come out stronger. But right now, with more than one pillar shaking, it feels like everything is falling through the cracks.
On top of that, I've been struggling with the feeling that I don't know enough, that I don't bring enough value, that maybe I'm not as competent as I should be. The uncertainty and pressure from all directions – personal life, work, and everything in between – have me second-guessing myself.
I needed something to anchor me. Something to remind me of my worth and help me get past these feelings of self-doubt.
Returning to My Purpose
And then I remembered my purpose: empower myself to empower others, especially women.
This has been my guiding principle for the past year or so, after a leadership purpose training, but somewhere along the way, I lost touch with it. I've been so caught up in the demands of daily life that I forgot about the bigger picture of why I do what I do.
But now, as I reflect on everything, I know it's time to take action.
Not just talk about it, but actually do something about it.
Because when I'm focused on empowering others, I feel that spark. I feel the joy and passion that has been missing. And that's what drives me to keep going.
Lessons Learned
Here is what I've realised in the past few weeks – nothing dramatic or bouleversant, don't expect big revelations – but still important to acknowledge and repeat more than once:
It's okay to not have everything figured out. It's okay to take a step back and lean on your support system. It's okay to take your time making decisions.
But accountability is key. If we don't actively strive for growth, we risk getting stuck in routines that don't serve us. By aligning with what truly matters and taking action, we create the opportunities we've been desiring.
We don't always have control over everything in our lives – and that's okay. Let me repeat it again, but louder: that is okay. We can't predict the future or force things into place, but we can control how we respond. We can control the choices we make and the mindset we adopt. We can learn to reframe and find the positive in every situation.
When we stay accountable to our values and keep our long-term vision in mind, we create a path forward that feels aligned and meaningful.
The Importance of Healthy Routines
And most importantly: take care of yourself. Put yourself at the centre for once! If you don't do it, who will?
When life feels uncertain, having strong routines helps maintain clarity and energy. Prioritising movement, self-care, social connection and rest allows us to face challenges with resilience.
Move your body: work out three to four times a week. Fuel yourself well: eat foods that make you feel good. Give yourself space: whether that is resting, working out, journaling or spending time alone. Socialise: find your "vitamin people" and spend quality time with them, whether that is your partner, your kids or your besties.
These small but essential routines, which can be easily combined, anchor us when everything else feels unstable.
Final Thoughts
Balance isn't about controlling everything. It's about navigating uncertainty while staying connected to what truly matters.
I've felt in control before, and I've gone through this kind of uncertainty before, but it's always good to say it out loud or talk to someone to help you navigate it. You don't always need to be there for others. Find your anchor, and they – whether it's he, she, or them – will be there for you.
Life won't always go according to plan. But if we keep our purpose front and centre, stay accountable and take care of ourselves, we can move through challenges with confidence.
We already have everything we need within us. We just have to trust that sometimes, taking a step back is exactly what we need to move forward.